Arms high and heart abandoned

That is my prayer for the semester. For my life. That I would live with arms high and heart abandoned to the Lord. It’s crazy to see the way the Lord works. How He has blessed me by the incredible people He put in my life. A lot of times it’s not even what they say. It’s that they listen. And as they ask about my life and listen and I share my heart, the Lord reveals Himself. I got to spend some sweet time with my teammate yesterday. She is such a blessing to me and brings me so much joy. As I was sharing with her, I realized how little I actually trust the Lord with my life. I say that I trust Him and I say that I will follow Him where He leads me. I will go if He calls me. I will live in the way that He has put on my heart. And I mean that, I really do. But while saying and thinking those things, I have in my head a box essentially. A box that is titled, “I will go where you lead me God, but I know you’re going to lead me somewhere in here”. Aka I trust you, as long as you stay within these boundaries. I give God suggestions about how I think my life should be like. What I think would bring Him glory and where I think He could use me for His glory. Seriously?! Who am I to give God suggestions like that? To say that I trust Him, but only if He stays betweens lines that I will set for Him? Ridiculous. I think as I’ve continued walking with the Lord, I have definitely handed over many areas of my life to Him. But not all of me. There are parts of me that I don’t even know about that I have yet to hand over to the Lord. It’s a process. I am a work in progress. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” My prayer is that as I realize I’m holding these things from Him, that I would freely let go. That I would stand before Him with arms high and heart abandoned.

Moment by moment

My housemate was telling me about a picture she saw once. It had a cliff and a girl who was walking blindfolded off the edge. She had her left foot out and a step had come up underneath her. As she moved her right foot, another step was coming up beneath her. This is how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t need to plan for the next 5 years of my life. Or to know what’s going to happen this summer. Or in a month. He will reveal his plan for me moment by moment. Step by step. I need to just keep walking and He will provide the path that will lead me to Him. I need to stop trying to plan the Lord’s plan.

Divine Recognition

“Authentic worship is our response to the presence of God. It has nothing to do with our circumstances, but is driven by divine recognition.” I read this a few days ago in a devotional my pastor from home made. Divine recognition. Recognizing the divine in life. Essentially seeing the world and recognizing that Jesus is Lord of it, Jesus made it happen, Jesus created it, Jesus allowed a conversation to happen, Jesus brought people together as friends. When you look through the lens of divine recognition, everything changes. You see Jesus in people, rather than how they fall short. You allow Jesus’ plan for your life to unfold before you, rather than try to plan it yourself. You have a peace that transcends all understanding. You experience joy all day, rather than being swayed through the ups and downs the world takes you through during the day. You bring glory to God by living. Living a life in recognition.

Daily Choices

Tomorrow I get to spend 10 hours by myself. Ten hours listening to music, listening to sermons, calling friends, praying, singing, and sitting in silence. Sometimes I dread this drive, but tomorrow I yearn for it. I am so excited to have time to just sit and be. To think about life. To pray and truly lift up all the thoughts that have been running through my head. Time to be with Jesus alone, with no interruptions. 

I feel Jesus right now. At this time in my life, I feel His presence. And I’m realizing that He hasn’t moved a bit. I don’t think I was aware of how far I had strayed. I feel like I’m closer to living my life how it’s supposed to be lived now than I ever have before. I feel joy and I feel Jesus. And it’s a great feeling. Why do I forget this feeling? Why do I let the world win sometimes? Why do I let the world take over? Why is the world’s voice louder than the Lord’s? How does that happen? One day turns into another, and then all of a sudden I haven’t been in the Word in a week. And then I spend a quick 20 minute scanning, just to tell myself I did it. Then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t sought Jesus. I haven’t looked for Him. I haven’t interacted with Him.  I haven’t recognized Him in anything I do, never mind everything. I don’t want to go back to that. The world will not win. I will choose joy and I will choose Jesus…today, tomorrow, and every day after that.

You are More

You Are More.

    -Tenth Avenue North

There’s a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes

From the places she’s wandered and the shame she can’t hide

She says “How did I get here? I’m not who I once was

And I’m crippled by the fear that I’ve fallen too to love”

But don’t you know who you are, what’s been done for you?

Don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

Well she tries to believe it that she’s been given new life

But she can’t shake the feeling that it’s not true tonight

She knows all the answers and she’s rehearsed all the lines

and so she’ll try to do better but then she’s too weak to try

But don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

Cause this is not about what you’ve done but what’s been done for you

This is not about where you’ve been but where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel but what he felt to forgive you

 And what he felt to make you loved

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade

Divine joy

A friend asked me this weekend, “Do you feel like you’ve changed in college?”, then “What has changed?” My response? Everything. Everything has changed. Before college: I lived for myself. Through college: I found Jesus. After college: I live for Jesus. Hopeless to hopeful to hope filled. It’s that simple, yet it’s so much more than that. I started thinking more about how Jesus has changed my life in the last 4 years. What’s different about my life. A big one: No fear in death. Perfect love > fear. Where I have found perfect love, I have found freedom from fear. It no longer consumes me. I am free to live my life.

This weekend was incredible. There really are no words to describe what took place in the 5 or so days I was in Chesapeake/OBX. It was a weekend filled with peace, joy, love, and Jesus. I have never experienced anything like it. To have 30 people, who I care about so deeply, come to spend time together was amazing. The house was full of laughter and smiles. “Joy and laughter are the gifts of living in the presence of God” (Henri Nouwen). That is exactly what occurred this weekend. We lived in the presence of the God of the Universe. We recognized Him in all things. We prayed. We laughed. We worshipped. We encouraged. We listened. We shared. We were silent. We read. We sang. It’s hard to describe. It was the most encouraging, restful, peaceful, easy, joyful time I’ve had. Probably ever. That group of people shares a bond that will never be broken. The only reason we know each other is because of our desire to draw near to Jesus and to serve our King. These are eternal friendships. Everyone was encouraging. It was incredible to look around the room and see Jesus manifested in every single person there. It was incredible to hear stories of people’s encounters with Jesus and the way Jesus has worked in their lives since we were together 4 months ago. It’s incredible to hear people’s struggles, joys, strivings, and desires. It’s incredible to be so encouraged by simply standing back and watching this unique group of people interact with one another. We are all a part of the body of Christ. Each person a necessary and vital part. This weekend was a gift. This group of people is a gift.  This time is the picture I have of what Heaven will be like. Pure joy. Divine Joy.