little victories.

lots of little victories tonight. Ask and you will receive. Jesus is good. so so good. So tonight is a celebration, for all the little victories the Kingdom had tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJxlqfHCZFs

duh. = )

opportunities

The last few days have been incredible. Well, honestly the last month or so has been. I have learned so much in the process of applying to be a camp staff intern and field staff intern. I have been learning what it means to live moment by moment, to pray consisently, and to trust in the plan the Lord has already made for me.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 4:6-7

This verse has taken on a whole new meaning for me. That's a command right there. Do not be anxious about anything. Period. End of discussion. Then, instead of being anxious, pray about everything. Recently, as I've been reading different scriptures, I've been looking a lot of words up in the dictionary. Usually I "know" what all the words mean, but it's so sweet to look up the words. I love to see what they actually mean. Petition is an earnest request. And that's what I've been doing. Earnestly requesting that he prepare my heart for the next 2 years of my life. Not that He would reveal to me exactly what I'll be doing, where I'll be, who I'll be with. But that my heart would be prepared for all of it. And then past that, then I present my requests. Me saying, from my small and insignificant point of view, I'd love this and I'd be comfortable with that. However, my requests are not the plan. Not always the best way. And so I'm open to what the Lord has for me. Not my will, yet yours be done. It is cool to see that, as a result from spending so much time with him and being so prayerful about things, that sometimes my will is the same as his. Crazy.

Another thing I've been realizing with this whole process is that the Lord has had my life planned out since the beginning of time. So whatever He has planned, is what's going to happen. My current favorite song is Our God by Chris Tomlin. One of the lines is: And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then what could stand against. I love that. If I'm supposed to be on YL staff in VA, then nothing in this entire world could stop me. And if I'm not, then nothing in this world could lead me there. Incredible. And what a relief!

The current update: I'm interning at Lake Champion this summer. And I'm so excited about it. I'm going on YL staff. And I'm so excited about this too. Where? Not sure. Praying for a prepared heart, but also for opportunities in the greater northeast and in VA. I'm praying that doors will be opened and closed and that I will be willing to listen when the call comes.

that's the way it is

what else brings me joy? sitting in my living room, for 3 hours, laughing non-stop, with all my housemates. and having itunes genius make me this playlist from "I want it that way" (BSB):

Genie in a bottle - christina
everywhere - michelle branch
back here - bb mak
summer girls - lfo
gone - kelly clarkson
i knew i loved you - savage garden
white houses - vanessar carlton
as long as you love me - bsb
everything you want - vertical horizon
what a girl wants - christina
breathe - michelle branch
always be my baby - mariah
that's the way it is - celine dion

does it get any better than that?

for the glory of the Lord

young life brings me joy. high school kids bring me joy. and lots of it. We had our first event tonight, a scavenger hunt. It was great. One of the perks of leading out of the area is the long drives. Which so often I do not see a perk, but as something that prevents me from spending a lot of time with girls. But it truly is a perk, especially when I drive by myself. Because that's so much built in time with just me and the Lord. And tonight I prayed. I got to pray for my time with one of my closest friends at stonewall, pray for the scavenger hunt, pray for specific girls, my small group, soccer, club this semester, campaigners. I just got to lift up so much and it was so great. Lift up my fears and excitements about different aspects of the ministry. It's incredible to see the Lord's power through prayer. And to see His perfect timing. Within the last 48 hours, there have been multiple girls who have kind of dropped off in the last few months, who have contacted me and showed up and wanted to talk about life. Praise the Lord.

Prayer overnight was last weekend. It's one of my favorite weekends of the year. It's incredible and powerful. This year was hard for me. The last time I went (2 years ago) I fainted because I have low blood sugar and I didn't eat food. I fell on top of someone while we were praying. It was embarassing and defeating. And because of my blood sugar issues, I am not allowed to fast. I know fasting is something that a lot of people don't like doing, but I would truly love to be able to participate in that. This past weekend was hard. Plain and simple. It's hard to not fast when 850 other people are. I get so nervous about not having food with me. I was so nervous to get trapped in the middle of the club room and start to feel light headed and need to get food in me. So most of the time I sat in the back. I realized how I am a slave to food. not sure if that's a bad thing but I am. and it's tough.  But regardless of that, it was a great weekend. I got to see two of my closest girls from stonewall experience the Lord in a new way. They experienced healing and were given a vision for who they can be in Christ. Incredible.
We (all 850 of us) prayed for healing, specifically for a little girl named Maury who has a rare degenerative disease that causes her body to convulse. She's confined to a wheel chair. Her younger brother has it too. Maury wasn't doing very well last week. And we all lifted her up in prayer. We got news yesterday that her convulsions have stopped and the doctors think they have a cure for her. Jesus is powerful and loving. He listens and He's responding. Incredible.

check out va young life. "For where two or three (or 850) come together in my name, there am I with them."

Something else I realized tonight, on my quiet ride home, was how much I avoid conflict. I don't like attention and I don't like to cause a scene, especially with young life. I love high school kids and I love their energy. But so often I am concerned with if they are disturbing anyone or offending anyone. I often find myself trying to get them to be quiet. I don't want them to cause a ruckus. I got to thinking. Why do I do that. Jesus caused a scene. He made a commotion, He offended people and He caused a ruckus. Why don't I live like that. We had 22 high school kids, running around a neighborhood tonight, asking for bandaids, old VHS videos, and beanie babies. There was laughter and competition. The older kids were leader the younger kids. They rang doorbells and got so excited when someone gave them an item. They sang a song about how beautiful jeremy's feet were. A police officer came, and told us someone reported that there was a group of teenagers who looked dangerous outside. He came and talked to us, and told us to have fun. There was no need for me to try to hold back these kids. It's ok for them to make a scene. It's ok that people notice us. We are doing it for the glory of the Lord. Just like Jesus did. So that is how I will try to live my life this week. I will not be afraid to cause a commotion or make a scene.

Arms high and heart abandoned

That is my prayer for the semester. For my life. That I would live with arms high and heart abandoned to the Lord. It’s crazy to see the way the Lord works. How He has blessed me by the incredible people He put in my life. A lot of times it’s not even what they say. It’s that they listen. And as they ask about my life and listen and I share my heart, the Lord reveals Himself. I got to spend some sweet time with my teammate yesterday. She is such a blessing to me and brings me so much joy. As I was sharing with her, I realized how little I actually trust the Lord with my life. I say that I trust Him and I say that I will follow Him where He leads me. I will go if He calls me. I will live in the way that He has put on my heart. And I mean that, I really do. But while saying and thinking those things, I have in my head a box essentially. A box that is titled, “I will go where you lead me God, but I know you’re going to lead me somewhere in here”. Aka I trust you, as long as you stay within these boundaries. I give God suggestions about how I think my life should be like. What I think would bring Him glory and where I think He could use me for His glory. Seriously?! Who am I to give God suggestions like that? To say that I trust Him, but only if He stays betweens lines that I will set for Him? Ridiculous. I think as I’ve continued walking with the Lord, I have definitely handed over many areas of my life to Him. But not all of me. There are parts of me that I don’t even know about that I have yet to hand over to the Lord. It’s a process. I am a work in progress. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” My prayer is that as I realize I’m holding these things from Him, that I would freely let go. That I would stand before Him with arms high and heart abandoned.

Moment by moment

My housemate was telling me about a picture she saw once. It had a cliff and a girl who was walking blindfolded off the edge. She had her left foot out and a step had come up underneath her. As she moved her right foot, another step was coming up beneath her. This is how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t need to plan for the next 5 years of my life. Or to know what’s going to happen this summer. Or in a month. He will reveal his plan for me moment by moment. Step by step. I need to just keep walking and He will provide the path that will lead me to Him. I need to stop trying to plan the Lord’s plan.

Divine Recognition

“Authentic worship is our response to the presence of God. It has nothing to do with our circumstances, but is driven by divine recognition.” I read this a few days ago in a devotional my pastor from home made. Divine recognition. Recognizing the divine in life. Essentially seeing the world and recognizing that Jesus is Lord of it, Jesus made it happen, Jesus created it, Jesus allowed a conversation to happen, Jesus brought people together as friends. When you look through the lens of divine recognition, everything changes. You see Jesus in people, rather than how they fall short. You allow Jesus’ plan for your life to unfold before you, rather than try to plan it yourself. You have a peace that transcends all understanding. You experience joy all day, rather than being swayed through the ups and downs the world takes you through during the day. You bring glory to God by living. Living a life in recognition.

Daily Choices

Tomorrow I get to spend 10 hours by myself. Ten hours listening to music, listening to sermons, calling friends, praying, singing, and sitting in silence. Sometimes I dread this drive, but tomorrow I yearn for it. I am so excited to have time to just sit and be. To think about life. To pray and truly lift up all the thoughts that have been running through my head. Time to be with Jesus alone, with no interruptions. 

I feel Jesus right now. At this time in my life, I feel His presence. And I’m realizing that He hasn’t moved a bit. I don’t think I was aware of how far I had strayed. I feel like I’m closer to living my life how it’s supposed to be lived now than I ever have before. I feel joy and I feel Jesus. And it’s a great feeling. Why do I forget this feeling? Why do I let the world win sometimes? Why do I let the world take over? Why is the world’s voice louder than the Lord’s? How does that happen? One day turns into another, and then all of a sudden I haven’t been in the Word in a week. And then I spend a quick 20 minute scanning, just to tell myself I did it. Then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t sought Jesus. I haven’t looked for Him. I haven’t interacted with Him.  I haven’t recognized Him in anything I do, never mind everything. I don’t want to go back to that. The world will not win. I will choose joy and I will choose Jesus…today, tomorrow, and every day after that.

You are More

You Are More.

    -Tenth Avenue North

There’s a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes

From the places she’s wandered and the shame she can’t hide

She says “How did I get here? I’m not who I once was

And I’m crippled by the fear that I’ve fallen too to love”

But don’t you know who you are, what’s been done for you?

Don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

Well she tries to believe it that she’s been given new life

But she can’t shake the feeling that it’s not true tonight

She knows all the answers and she’s rehearsed all the lines

and so she’ll try to do better but then she’s too weak to try

But don’t you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

Cause this is not about what you’ve done but what’s been done for you

This is not about where you’ve been but where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel but what he felt to forgive you

 And what he felt to make you loved

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You are more than the choices that you’ve made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create, you’ve been remade

You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade, You’ve been remade

Divine joy

A friend asked me this weekend, “Do you feel like you’ve changed in college?”, then “What has changed?” My response? Everything. Everything has changed. Before college: I lived for myself. Through college: I found Jesus. After college: I live for Jesus. Hopeless to hopeful to hope filled. It’s that simple, yet it’s so much more than that. I started thinking more about how Jesus has changed my life in the last 4 years. What’s different about my life. A big one: No fear in death. Perfect love > fear. Where I have found perfect love, I have found freedom from fear. It no longer consumes me. I am free to live my life.

This weekend was incredible. There really are no words to describe what took place in the 5 or so days I was in Chesapeake/OBX. It was a weekend filled with peace, joy, love, and Jesus. I have never experienced anything like it. To have 30 people, who I care about so deeply, come to spend time together was amazing. The house was full of laughter and smiles. “Joy and laughter are the gifts of living in the presence of God” (Henri Nouwen). That is exactly what occurred this weekend. We lived in the presence of the God of the Universe. We recognized Him in all things. We prayed. We laughed. We worshipped. We encouraged. We listened. We shared. We were silent. We read. We sang. It’s hard to describe. It was the most encouraging, restful, peaceful, easy, joyful time I’ve had. Probably ever. That group of people shares a bond that will never be broken. The only reason we know each other is because of our desire to draw near to Jesus and to serve our King. These are eternal friendships. Everyone was encouraging. It was incredible to look around the room and see Jesus manifested in every single person there. It was incredible to hear stories of people’s encounters with Jesus and the way Jesus has worked in their lives since we were together 4 months ago. It’s incredible to hear people’s struggles, joys, strivings, and desires. It’s incredible to be so encouraged by simply standing back and watching this unique group of people interact with one another. We are all a part of the body of Christ. Each person a necessary and vital part. This weekend was a gift. This group of people is a gift.  This time is the picture I have of what Heaven will be like. Pure joy. Divine Joy.